Interpersonal conflict is seen as
the number one cause of 'office politics' these days. Such politics in the work
area is deemed as unnecessary, reduces efficiency and creates extra stress and
tension amongst colleagues. (No wonder a large number of us hate our
jobs!) Thats why its important that you learn to ease such conflicts,
starting from our college years and finally practicing it in our future
workplace.
I remembered my first major
conflict with another peer occurred during my junior college days, when we were
working on our project work (PW) written report. Back then I was the leader of
my group, and as we drew closer to the date of submission, our teacher became
extremely critical about the quality of the report. During of my the meetings, one of my members yelled at me for dividing the workload unequally and expressed it through really harsh words. I was taken aback and
started crying (only because I did not know how to handle it, but I have grown
quite a bit since then (: ). This really placed the entire group in an awkward
situation and our team had a rough time handing in the written report followed
by the oral presentation after that meeting.
What I would like to draw from
the example given is that conflicts should be resolved as soon as possible and
both parties (even other members who are indirectly affected) should make an
equal effort to resolve it. In relation my personal experience, straight after
the meeting, all of us should have sat down to voice out all our opinion and
displeasures, and immediately straighten things out. On the other hand, if you
feel that at that moment both parties are hotheaded, a change of environment
(preferably outdoors) or maybe meeting after class or after office hours could
give them both ample time and space. Secondly, being the leader of the group, I
should not express my emotional side (crying) and instead should have taken her
criticism objectively and asked her what exactly is she unhappy about and
worked from there.
I believe effective communication
is not a set of fix rules that everyone can apply at any situations.
Ultimately, we all have to judge the situation correctly and be sensitive in
handling every conflict (:
Hello Yi Bei! Thank you for sharing! I’m very encouraged by how you view the conflicts that you went through as something that you can positively learn from – not many can strive to learn a thing or two from conflicts especially in this Y generation where a lot of our peers can’t communicate properly.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post, one thing that strikes me was handling criticism objectively. Personally, I don’t think I’ve learnt to grasp that fully. I know what it means, but I find myself losing control of my emotions several times just like you did. But you’re right. We need to understand our emotions, and when we do, we can rule over our feelings. I guess one way is to be confident of who you are – we can then trust our intuition and not let our emotions get out of control.
I noticed that people who have good control of their emotions are usually self-aware. They are willing to take an honest look at themselves to know what are their strengths and weaknesses, and thus work on these areas so they can perform better. And I see this in you! You openly expressed your weaknesses which is very brave of you! Honestly admitting what you’re weak at is the first step to work on them. Way to go Yi Bei!
And similar to what you’ve mentioned, I believe empathy is one of the most important elements of emotional intelligence. To be able to identify what people need and want and even feelings of others that are not obvious is definitely one thing we can all learn from.
Thanks Clarence! (:
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, the first step is to admit you are wrong. Which many of us can't do! On top of all that is discussed, I feel that an extremely useful way to the turn the negative situation the other way around is to thanks the critic! (*I have to point out that this does not mean sarcastically or in an aloof manner) The simple act of saying 'thank you', 'I appreciate your comment' and 'I will think about what you have said'. Its unexpected and often, appreciated. If someone is unkind with their words, they might just be having a bad day, a little gratitude goes a long way!
Hi Yi Bei,
ReplyDeleteyour post sure does bring back memories of my JC days!
Like yourself I was also tasked to be the leader of the PW group, but unlike you I was a rather passive leader. I took no control of the team because I felt that they were my friends and I didn't feel comfortable telling them what to do and what not to do. Perhaps it was the need to be liked , if a certain group member didn't feel like doing his/her part I would just let it slide and would subsequently cover their parts for them. Not surprisingly, no feelings were hurt and no one cried. But I was pretty sure we all cried the day our PW results were released(not in the good sense :) ).
while I agree with you that conflicts should be ironed out as soon as it arises , there are some cases where both parties need to take some time off to reflect and to cool down. Had both parties been head strong, a possible clash would have occurred.
I find myself agreeing with Clarence that emotions are hard to control but I think that's what makes being humans so beautiful. I feel that as we advance in age , we start to lose more and more of our child like demeanour, for example when we are sad, we hide it because we do not want to appear weak. Perhaps like you say we are maturing and it's an inevitable process of growing up; because that's what society demands of us.